Iris

What you want is not always what you need.

This is something that has been going in and out of my mind for a long time now. I guess that's the reality of life. We desire a lot of things, hope and pray that someday we'll get them, but most of the time, it's not what we need, maybe now, or maybe forever.

The same as my other days in life, I wake up in the morning feeling this way. Not really getting any better, whatever I do to distract myself, or to keep myself busy. For some reason, whatever I do, I always end up associating them with something from the past, and it drowns me. Whatever it is that I do, I always find myself falling down this deep well, and not being able to get out of it for a long time.

Also, the same as every morning of my life, when I wake up, for some reason, there's always a song playing in my head and it just goes on and on. I don't know if it's just a coincidence or what, it didn't really enter my mind when I woke up, but just thought of it hours later. This song has been a big impact on me (and I don't even know if it's good or bad.) But, most of the time, I feel bad when I hear this song, but I just can't stop listening to it.

This video, Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, has been haunting me for years now. It's not really a sad song, but I guess it can be in a way. The first thing that comes to mind when I listen to this song is whatever happened with me in the past. I guess it's because of certain lines from the song, or maybe because of the person involved, the one who made me like this song so much. It used to be a great song for me, but because some things in life have to end, it just feels different now.

Present time, this song continues to haunt me. As the song goes, "And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.." I guess I've been hiding from a lot of stuff for a long time already,, just trying to see what effect it will have on me. But then, I realized, there's not much difference actually, whether I'm there or not. So sometimes,  I would rather not show myself and just mind my own business. Sad, I know.

Then this other line goes "When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.."  I just want you to know who I am, a line which I really can't explain why, I can't find the perfect words, has really hit me. Maybe because of how I've been feeling these past months, which is most of the time I feel like I'm alone. It's hard, really. But, at this point, I guess there's really nothing I can do about it.

How can one be strong enough to go on, if the thing that's keeping them going is the same thing that brought them in this mess?