Heaven and back

It's officially June, and yes, it's a late welcome.

I've thought about how I will write about this, and up to now I'm still unsure. Just last week, I had those dreams again, the kind of dream that when you wake up, you remember what happened, and you kind of have a hangover. You will just think about your dream for a long time, and ask yourself why you had that dream.

I really can't remember everything, but this is what I recall. The first dream I had was, I was with my family, and i remember my dad was driving the car. I was seated in front, and my mom and siblings were at the back. We were back home, and my dad was taking a short cut that time. At some point, all the cars ahead of us were making a U-Turn, and what I saw was a lady pointing a gun at us. For some reason, my dad was calm at that time, but I wasn't. He just made a U-Turn, and there we go.

The other dream, I was in my room, back home, and I was with a couple of relatives. I think they were my siblings, or my cousins, not really sure. Then, it just happened. I didn't really die or anything, but the light was directed to me, and everyone went like "It's your time." Then I just flew, felt like, and there was happiness in me. I went up to the skies, and after that I really can't remember anything.

Up to this day, I'm still wondering as to why I had those dreams. So I researched for the meaning, and this is what I got.

1. To see a gun in your dream, symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence.

To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You feel victimized in some situation.

2. Psychological Meaning: To dream of a heavenly paradise may represent your desire to find perfect happiness. You may be trying to escape from what you perceive to be your banal and depressing life. 

Your dream gives you a welcome break from reality and serves to restore your feeling of optimism and hope. You desire to achieve the inner balance and wholeness that is your spiritual destiny.

Then, I thought. I've been in a war with myself for a long time now, having problems that I really can't solve on my own, having issues I don't even know how to face. Maybe I've been down for so long, and I just needed this for myself. Just like what it said, "Your dream givs you a welcome break from reality and serves to restore your feeling of optimism and hope."

I'm in continuous search of that happiness, the happiness I need. Actually, I know what makes me happy, but at the same time, it also breaks my heart. Maybe I still haven't found the other stuff that make me happy too.