Questions

In everyone's lives, there will always be that time where we will ask ourselves why certain things happen in our lives; things that may make us think the whole day, things that may make us be confused with stuff, things that may make us ask ourselves, Why?

Often times, this happens when it concerns the heart. We ask ourselves, Why now?  or, Why should this happen? or it can even be Why should it happen to me?. Of course, there's that question Why should it hurt this much?

This whole day got me thinking a lot because of everything that's happening around. In other words, it just triggered me to thinking, trying to answer the unanswered, look for clues that may lead me to that X Spot I've been trying to go to, trying to clear things in my mind.

Now, I ask, is it wrong, or even crazy, to still miss, or be in love with the person from your past? A person who you shared your life with before? The person you thought would be The One? Even if, you got hurt so much in the end?

I've been trying to search for the answers to my questions, and yet, here I am again, clueless of what I should do. Sometimes, I ask myself, will this still be worth it? There's pain, giving me the reason to just let go and move on but, there's love, giving me the reason to not let go, but to stay, try to be strong, and continue to fight for what I really feel.

Contradicting, huh?

What's even hard is when you tell someone you just want them to be happy. When you see them happy, it hurts sometimes, knowing that you're not the one making them smile, or making them feel better. Sometimes, it's really hard to say I'm happy for you. because, you really are happy, but at the same time, it hurts.

Sometimes, staying and trying to look at the present depresses me, but when I think of what may happen in the future, it kind of lightens me up. But, what's the chance of that happening, right?

Some things in life are easier said than done. When someone is in the situation, I can easily help them, but when I'm in the situation, it's hard for me to even do what I tell others.

That's life. It can really mess you up. At one point, you will feel like you're okay, but once you're all out, you will just feel really exhausted.

I just feel incomplete, knowing that the person you shared a part of your life with, is not there anymore. I'm all alone now, by myself.

Fork

A fork, not the one we use to eat, but a fork, is when we are trapped in a certain place and we're given two ways to take. It's either, we go to to our left, or to our right. Sometimes, it gives more than 2 choices.

In our lives, we often experience being trapped in a certain place, or because of something that recently happened to us, or maybe we just feel like we're trapped because of what's happening around us.

For my whole life, I always encounter forks, forks that make me decide, think a lot, or even ask for help/advice from someone who knows or at least can give an idea of what path to take. Whenever I choose where to go, in the end, I always fall of a very cliff. I will fall in a deep sea, hurting, but still alive. There's pain from falling off a very high cliff and landing face first in the ocean, but eventually will fade away. From there, you try to find your way back to shore, try to save yourself, try to call someone for help, but no one can really hear you. It is that time that you will have to go through this challenge by yourself, and only you can help yourself.

It is that time when, given two or more choices, that you try to think of what may happen if you take this path, or if you take the other paths given. And, in every path given to us, each of them have their own pros and cons.

While on one path, we always try to think, "What if I took the other path? Or the other?.." This is something that will always be a mystery to us, because we really never know what might have happened if we went the other way.

Whenever I fall of this cliff, I always end up getting hurt a lot, and when I try to save myself, there are just some factors that make it harder for me, trying to drown me and stop me from going back to shore. Yet, at least in my case, I don't really think I'm alone here, because there are some people around there who do try to save me, but sometimes, I just don't let them. Sometimes, I wanna do things for myself, even if it's hurting me already.

It's not that I always make the wrong decision. I don't consider these as wrong decisions, but these are choices that I made. It's just, maybe I'm meant to be in this situation, for me to see or realize something. We never know, maybe if we took the other paths given to us, it could've been worse.

Not that I'm not happy with the decisions I make. I am happy, but I always mess up.

I always end up in a fork, and it sucks that when I finally decide, I always end up falling, hurt, and all by myself again.

Have you experienced being in one?

Word of the Day

This day was one of those days that I wish I could just forget, but I can't for certain reasons.

Whenever I start a day, for the past months that I have been here, I always turn on the laptop, and do the usual: go to the different social networking sites, and turn on my IM. I'm usually excited on doing this, as it connects me with my friends back home. But, as  the months passed by, little by little, things have started changing, and not in a good way.

I'm the kind of person who really starts a conversation with someone, especially when I miss that someone. I wasn't really like this before, I never started any conversation this much.

So as the months passed by, little by little, I started losing connection with the people I usually talk to back at home: with my bestfriend, friends, buddies, bros, sisters, whatever I want to call them. And most especially, the person I love most.

I never knew, that long distance can affect friendships as well. I thought, it will be hard with relationships only, but no. It's really hard talking with people over to the other end of the world, because of time difference. When they're busy with work, I'm at home doing nothing. By the time I wake up, they're home and I'm preparing for work. There's really no time with talking to each other, even on weekends. By the time I arrive home on a Friday, they're waking up on a Saturday morning, and by the time they're really up, I'm already about to retire.

This whole day, even if I was at work, got me thinking: What happened? Where did I go wrong? Am I the problem or what?

This whole day, wasn't really a good one, with work, relationships, and myself.

Then, while I was surfing my Tumblr account, I saw this picture:

It suddenly hit me. For the past days, things have been hitting me. Whatever I do, wherever I go, something always reminds me of something, and it hurts as hell.


I'm very vulnerable right now. I'm not sure of what I want, or what I need to do. I feel very weak. I just wish, there's something I could do, especially with that certain thing.


I'll be happy again.. One day..

Envisage

Often times, people compare reality with fantasy, seeing fantasy as reality, only exaggerated in certain ways.

In this real world, people try to live the life present in the fantasy world, where there is magic, happily ever afters, and just basically, everything goes your way.

For the past weeks, I have been having these dreams, which I consider a fantasy. These dreams are, I think, based on what I have been feeling, dong, or thinking, about everything that has been happening to me and around me.

Dreams kind of play with the feelings of people, about how they should do something, or treat someone, or what.

In my case, I guess the dreams I have been having have somewhat been good and not good to me at the same time.

Yesterday was one of those days that I just wish I could forget. It was too quiet, and depressing. Just like what I do everyday, I turn on the laptop, and look for movies I can watch. Last night, I decided to watch A Walk To Remember. I wasn't able to watch it continuously, as I fell asleep, but continued watching when I woke up. After I finished watching, I went back to sleep, and woke up an hour later, and went back to sleep. Then, I woke up again. So much for my sleeping time.

In between those sleep-wake up-sleep-wake up time, I had this dream, this certain dream, that kind of plays with how I should be feeling right now. It goes like this:

I was with a group of friends, and I just came back from where I am now, to visit them. So all of us were having dinner, and drinking. I was at the end of the table, because I was the last one to arrive so I could surprise them. At some point, one of them told me to move closer, because there's an empty seat. Before I got to seat, another friend of ours gave me a big hug, and I hugged back. For some reason, I even gave her a kiss on the head.

That's where it all started. From that time on, we started talking, she started telling me everything about what's been happening, and I did the same. Basically, as far as I can remember, what we talked about are what we usually talk about in the real world. It just happened differently in the dream.

Everyone had to go, so I went with her to drop her off somewhere. But before that, she had to get something from a friend. We were not together in the dream, and even in real life, but in the dream, we were holding hands, as if we were a couple. And how we treat each other, is just really different.

We went to this party, or maybe a prom or what, because it looked like one, and she got some cards that looked like invitation cards, from a friend I can recognize as well. Then we went somewhere again and gave those cards to someone I forgot who. In between those times, she kept giving me a tight hug, which kind of made me happy in the dream.

I woke up, feeling kind of weird and confused. This dream, somewhat, maybe is telling me that, I should start clarifying what I really feel, before I get hurt even more, or before I hurt anyone else even more.

Maybe, this is not the time yet for me. It hurts, a lot, but that's something I should learn to face.

7 word story: He didn't ever want to say goodbye.

Got this from a friend, who inspired me on writing this story.

People interpret things differently, have their own ways of doing stuff, and see things in different ways. When it comes to love, in general, it is when you start giving special care, and attention to someone. It is when, all you can think of is that person the moment you wake up, and before you retire for the day. It is a very happy feeling, but at the same time, it can destroy you if it gets out of hand.

This is a story of an explorer, and a wizard who will, at some point, meet.

The explorer likes going on adventures, no matter how dangerous they may be. He will take on any challenge, face any obstacle, as long as he knows he can, and someone will go with him. The only problem with him, is, he doesn't know how to read signs. He may be an explorer, but he doesn't go looking for clues, that will lead him to where he wants to go. He always fails on seeing those clues, even if they're already in front of him.

Most of the time, the explorer goes too far, and ends up falling in a deep pt, where no one can really hear him, and no one to save him. It always takes him a long time before he gets out of the pit, and do the final touches to be fully recovered from all the scars.

The wizard, on the other hand, has believed in magic ever since she was a little kid. She always believed, that there is magic in this world, just not the type of magic we see in movies, or read in books. She believes that magic can bring change to this world, can bring peace to someone, can bring happiness in someone's face.

One day, just when the explorer is about to give up on his long adventure, after he lost his map going home, he passed by a wizard studying and practicing her spells. The explorer, coming from a different world, has no idea what the wizard was doing. The wizard, on the other hand, tried to understand what the explorer was going through.

Days, weeks, and months passed by, the explorer still hasn't found his way home, and the wizard , with her knowledge, tried helping and guiding the explorer in his journey.

They traveled this journey together for a long time. Each day that passes, the explorer is starting to appreciate and understand what that magic is. At the same time, the wizard is fully understands why the explorer is always on this adventure: because this makes him happy.

For the times they had been together, they both understood what each was going through, and made a promise that they'll be there to help each other.

One day, the explorer decided to go on a very long adventure, where he will try going alone and use what the wizard has taught him, some magic. The wizard, before who used to be a happy-go-lucky girl, now felt like how the explorer was before: lost, and alone.

Before the explorer went on his journey, they both promised each other, again, that they'll be there for each other, whatever happens. Little did they know, magic was already there in front of them.

The explorer was able to reach his destination after some days, and with the magic that he learned from the wizard, they were able to talk again. That wasn't the only magic present there.

Days after the continuous talking, both confessed their love for each other. The explorer finally knows how it feels to be where he wants to be, and the wizard understood what real magic is.

Months passed by, and little by little, they were losing communication. Maybe, just maybe, the magic they learned together before, wasn't enough to keep that communication going.

It came to a point, where both, suddenly feel lost, empty, and needs to be saved. Both tried to help each other, but the magic wasn't strong enough to keep them together.

The wizard was losing her passion for magic, and just had to let go. The explorer, as much as he doesn't want to, he had to let go, since he went on this adventure alone.

It hasn't really been great for the both of them, after this happened.

The explorer, still trying to do everything he can, to find his way back home, to find his way back to the wizard. The wizard, still trying to find that passion she had before, to learn more magic. Both, still in search of that treasure that will make them both really happy.

It used to be a great love story, but everything had to go down at some point.

Now, both of them, feel lost, more than ever..

At the moment, no one knows where they are, no one can hear them, there's still no way of escaping this deep pit..

Both of them, wanting to be saved.. Not by someone else, but by each other..