04.02.11

Often times, people ask themselves "Where are you?" when it comes to looking for that special someone in their life. Other times, that person is already in front of you, and you're just too blind to see or realize it. Sometimes, we meet someone who we think is the person already, only to end up with nothing.

Sometimes, we meet someone, and the fact is, we won't really be sure if that person is THE ONE already.

People ask me, if I am okay. And often time, I tell them I am, they have nothing to worry about. I always try to show them that I can be happy too, despite everything that's happening.

Some questions that I often time ask myself:

1. How will I be able to give a part of me, when I already gave a bigger part to my past?

2. How will I know if I will meet someone better, if I already found the best?

3. How will you know, if enough is enough? If things are still worth it?

4. Why should something like this always happen?

5. If it is indeed love, why should it hurt this much?

Sometimes, I feel like I need a remote control, that can hit rewind to go back in time and make up for things I've done wrong; pause to just take a break from everything; fast forward just to skip all the pain.

Sometimes, I wish I could just forget everything, and be trouble-free, even if for just a moment. Sometimes, I just wanna feel numb, and not feel anything, at all.

It sucks that, often times, I am able to give advice to people, yet I can't even follow them myself. I always end up doing the opposite. And, sometimes, I just wanna feel being remembered by someone, when someone sends me a message, asks me how I am doing, if I am okay. I wanna know how it feels to be missed and cared for.

So here I go.

I am not okay. I am not happy.

I don't know how, I don't know when, everything will just stop, and go back to how they were; to when I will find that happiness I used to have.

Here I am. All alone.. Again..