Half Empty. Half Full.

This is just a random rant post. I guess I just really need to do this, to at least release all the tension I'm feeling. When I'm pissed, I usually rant a lot in every way I can: tell my friends about it, rant with Facebook or Twitter posts. Lately I've decided to just keep quiet and keep everything to myself, for certain reasons: not having that much friends here/having friends from way back home who I can rant to easily, I just don't know what else I can do if I get too mad (I might end up destroying something..) and I guess I think keeping everything to myself is something I need ever since I moved here. I've been more secretive of stuff, for a change (because I think it will do me good..) even if sometimes I feel like it's bad for me.

So my question actually is, have you ever had that feeling when you feel more like someone else than who you really are? To be specific, sometimes you don't feel like who you're really supposed to be because of how people treat you?

It's just really annoying, and I don't even know where to start. I wanna get in to details but I don't really know if it's a good idea. Main point, sometimes I think I can't be my real self because of how things are. There are a lot of things I wanna do (I'm a dreamer..) but I can't achieve most of them because of some factors trying to stop me.

The sad thing about this is, not really having any idea who to talk to, where to go, or something because you feel like you're far away from everyone else. Sometimes I just wish I could go back home and have things my way for a change, because seriously I'm getting tired. I'm just not saying anything, trying to be patient, because I already have an idea of what may happen if I do "rebel" or something.

In such times, I just wish I could go away, go meet up some friends, eat out, have a drink, go have fun. They may not know it, but I miss my friends so much, and it really makes me happy whenever I get the chance to talk to them online (because that's the only communication line we have right now..) They may not see me happy, but it really helps lighten stuff around when I get to hear from them. So yeah, I guess that's another reason why sometimes I feel sad when I try initiating a conversation and I don't get anything.

I miss home. I miss you. I miss everyone.

So yeah. Feeling Half Empty. Half Full.

I feel alone.